It's alive!
Aah!
Ahh.
Welcome back to First Date...
where we've already matched up some unlikely couples...
a geek with a beauty queen, a basketball player with a dwarf...
and Jackass star Steve-o with someone who isn't a loser.
But this time, we've outdone ourselves.
Susan hails from Los Angeles...
and, like all of us, she's looking to be bitten...
that is, smitten... by love.
So I was, like, raised Jewish, and family's very important to me.
If my dad knew how important sex was to me, I would die.
Whew! Daddy's little princess has a wild streak.
Think we can find someone to tame her?
Douglas is a Predator from Newark, New Jersey...
who prides himself on his trophy collection.
But are women just part of the hunt for him?
Sure, I respect women.
One time, this girl I knew had big boobs, and I respect that.
I'm a gentleman.
If someone disrespects my girl, I'll skin him.
You know, I'm sweet like that.
One's an Alien, the other's a Predator.
Will they have chemistry, or is this a case of science friction?
- Oh, hi. - Oh, hi!
- Are you Susan? - Yes. Nice to meet you.
I'm Douglas.
Mmm, yeah.
Beautiful day we're having.
Yeah, yeah. It's great.
So, what kind of guys do you usually date?
Oh, I don't know, I don't really have a type.
My father may not approve of you though...
since I'm Jewish, and you're Predator-American.
Oh, he's kind of protective, huh?
Yeah, totally. He's kind of tough.
So, how important is sex to you in a relationship?
Oh, I don't know, pretty important, I guess.
Yeah, I don't know what I'd do without sex.
I gotta have it all the time.
All the time, huh?
Hot tubs are nice, aren't they?
I also love the way the moonlight on the water...
brings out the shine on your chitinous shell.
Aw.
- Don't do it! - You can do better!
Ew! Yuck!
So, it was really nice meeting you.
You're, um, you're a really nice person.
Aah!
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!
Are you OK?
Um...
Uh, you want a band-aid?
Whoa! That date didn't end well, did it, folks?
Think they'll ever go out again? Let's check back and ask them.
Guess not.
Hey, get away from the truck! It's gonna blow!
- Can anybody help this guy? - Now's our chance, boys! Come on!
Tetsuo
Welcome back to the Carousel of Tomorrow...
where we look at humanity's march into the future.
Can you imagine, excited viewers, what marvels the 21st century holds?
Why, just imagine.
The Chinese say they're going to land a man on the moon by the year 2020.
What will that be like, do you think?
Inspiring.
As we reach toward space, we also look inward.
The unlocking of the human genome...
will allow the birth of perfect babies in the future.
Why, think of a world without disease...
or midgets...
where every child is perfect in every way.
Sieg heil!
And would you believe that as high-speed internet access improves...
doctors can perform complicated surgeries without leaving the beach?
You will.
And in the future, virtual reality sex...
will be perfected, and society will be forever changed.
Mr. Wembley?
You like that, don't you, bitch?
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Mayor McCheese! Mayor McCheese!
How do your views differ from Governor Schwarzenegger...
given that he's a republican, and you have a cheeseburger for a head?
It's a birth defect!
Oh, I've dealt with prejudice all my life...
Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor! There have been allegations...
that you've taken women to motel rooms...
and paid them to go to the bathroom on your chest.
Uh, uh, robble, robble, robble, robble!
Oh! Don't get any blood on the new carpet!
America's number one Judaic super-spy is back in action!
Never mess with a man's Roth I.R. A!
Now, the hood-mounted Gatling guns are quite deadly...
How many miles per gallon?
Er, twenty-five or so.
Now, the smokescreen generator...
Is that highway or city mileage?
Do you expect me to talk, Goyfinger?
No, Mr. Hashanah. I expect you to eat this B.L. T!
That's not Kosher! Ugh!
This summer, get chillin' with the tefillin, Ross Hashanah!
I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Good morning, everyone!
I would gladly pay you Tuesday...
No deal, Wimpy!
- Oh, no. - Ha!
No more hamburgers for old Wimpy.
- Don't do that, dear boy. - Why not?
Why, just look at what everyone's lives would be like without you.
Without you. Without you.
Good job, Bluto!
Nice hair, Popeye!
Bouncy, bouncy!
Thanks for curing cancer, Alice the Goon!
Oh, well, sorry for wasting your time.
- Huhh! - Ohh!
Hamburger!
Ooh! Stix cereal!
I gotta have some!
Stupid bunny, Stix are intended for children!
- Just give me a little! - He touched me inappropriately!
Couldn't stay off the sugar, right?
But I can't help myself.
My mother ate sugar when she was pregnant with me.
You want to control the sugar? Stop using and start selling.
Here, look this guy up when you're out.
- Rabbit, you're out. - R-Really?
But it's only been an hour.
You in Alabama, fool.
An hour's all you get for touching a child.
Selling's a dangerous business, Rabbit...
killed the Fruit Brute, Yummy Mummy, and even the Cinnamonkey.
I can handle it. Where's the stuff?
We'll just follow my snout!
It's never in doubt!
Snout that big, it should know more than Einstein.
Kill that mother...
We'll just follow my snout!
Wow.
Do you have any idea how rich I'm gonna be...
selling all this cocaine... sugar?
I meant to say sugar.
Sugar.
OK?
OK.
I tell you the bleedin' boys were followin' me around...
and one little brasser says, "We're after your charms!"
So, I says, "Forget about me blue diamonds...
and worry about me blue balls, ya whore!"
Oh, yeah!
I never have any idea what you're saying.
Bad news, boss. The Rice boys are talkin' to the cops.
Bastards are always talking!
OK, OK! I'll crack!
- I'll crinkle! - I'll plop!
The Stix rabbit made us sell the stuff!
Uh, we only brought you in here 'cause someone turned in your wallet.
Heh, heh. I must've lost it.
Use the hollow-point bullets!
They're groovy!
Their bones'll stay crunchy, even when soaked in blood!
Ha ha ha!
Don't shoot! I give up!
He's giving up! Shoot him!
Huh? What? But I...
Oh!
Finally!
Stupid bunny, Stix are intended for children.
No!
- Ba-gawk! - Bock.
Stupid monkey.